Build Erotic Confidence in the Bedroom & Beyond
Most people come to me because they want to have more confidence in their sex lives.
Erotic confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t—it’s felt, cultivated, and embodied over time. Erotic confidence is the ability to express desire, navigate intimacy, and trust your body and instincts.
We may struggle to know what we want, so when a partner asks us, we freeze. Or perhaps we know exactly what we crave, yet the words are stuck in our throats. And even if we manage to name and ask for what we want—can we fully receive it?
These are all distinct skills that can be developed and honed.
“Confidence: a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances; a relation of trust or intimacy.”
Self-Knowledge: Understanding Your Desires and Boundaries
Erotic confidence starts with knowing yourself. Many people struggle with desire—not because they don’t have any, but because they haven’t taken the time or had the support to explore what truly turns them on.
Identify Your Desires: What excites you? What fantasies, sensations, or experiences bring you alive? Take time to explore the feelings you crave, without judgment.
Know Your Boundaries: Understanding what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do want. Boundaries create a sense of safety and self-trust.
Unpack Shame and Conditioning: Most of us carry messages about sexuality that limit our confidence. What beliefs do you have about desire, pleasure, or what’s “acceptable”? Challenge narratives that no longer serve you.
Communicating Desire: Finding Your Voice
Knowing what you want is only part of the equation—being able to communicate it is just as essential. Many people struggle with expressing their desires, whether due to fear of rejection, shame, or simply not having the words. But just like any skill, communication can be practiced and strengthened.
Name Your Desires Out Loud: Speaking your desires, even to yourself, helps make them real. Try saying what you want in front of a mirror or journaling about it.
Start Small: If fully expressing your desires feels overwhelming, begin with something simple—sharing a small request or naming a sensation you enjoy.
Use Curiosity Instead of Expectation: Communicating desire isn’t about demanding a specific outcome; it’s about inviting connection. Approach conversations with openness, allowing space for dialogue rather than pressure.
Embrace the Awkwardness: It’s okay to stumble. Most people don’t realize how absolutely adorable their awkward selves are! Confidence grows through practice, not perfection.
Receiving: Allow Yourself to Be Met
Even when we know what we want and can ask for it, receiving can be the hardest step. Many of us struggle to fully take in pleasure, love, and attention without deflecting, analyzing, or feeling unworthy. True erotic confidence includes the ability to receive into the deepest parts of who we are.
Notice Your Reactions to Receiving: Do you tense up when someone compliments you? Do you rush to reciprocate when given pleasure? Becoming aware of these tendencies is the first step in shifting them.
Practice Surrender: Receiving requires a willingness to let go. This doesn’t mean being powerless—it means allowing yourself to be in the experience rather than managing it.
Breathe Into Pleasure: When receiving touch, attention, or words of affirmation, slow down. Breathe deeply and notice where in your body you feel the pleasure–or, if you don’t feel pleasure, you might need something to change!
Trust That You Are Worthy: Receiving is not about proving or earning—it’s about allowing. Remind yourself that you deserve to be seen, desired, and cherished. Easier said than done, I know…
Somatic Awareness and Trusting the Unknown: The Threads That Weave It All Together
Throughout these three areas—knowing, communicating, and receiving—somatic awareness and trust in the unknown are essential. Your body is your greatest guide, offering signals that can help you navigate desire, expression, and intimacy.
Trusting the unknown means embracing the fact that eroticism is inherently unpredictable. Sometimes we discover new desires in the moment, or a lover gives us something we didn’t even know we wanted (isn’t that the best kind of surprise??)
The more you can stay present with yourself and your partner, the more confidence you’ll develop—not from controlling the experience, but from trusting yourself within it.
It’s important to know that this is an ongoing practice - at no point will you be “there,” knowing exactly what you want all the time and maintaining perfect boundaries.
Ready to Build Your Erotic Confidence?
Knowing what you want, expressing it, and receiving fully can feel daunting. It’s not always easy to experiment with a partner when fear, hesitation, or past wounds get in the way. That’s where working with a sex and intimacy coach can make all the difference.
In our work together, I provide a space where you can explore these parts of yourself without pressure or judgment. I help you build confidence in your desires by discovering new ways of feeling, expressing, and communicating that align with who you truly are. Through guided exercises and somatic practices, we’ll explore what feels most natural, playful, and freeing for you—so that when you bring these parts of yourself forward in your relationships, you do so with more ease in your body and mind.
If you're ready to step into a more confident, embodied, and fulfilling erotic life, let’s talk. Schedule a session or reach out to learn more about how I can support you on your journey.
