My Erotic Self
I believe in what Beth is doing for men. Here’s what she has done for me.
MY STORY
I have my thing.
I have my thing that makes me feel that I’m unworthy of love. It started early and the bullies knew exactly how to use it. Movies showed me heroes that didn’t look or act like me, and the expectations of a fantasy world seeped into me. I learned from an early age that I was not enough.
Later, my balls dropped and holy shit did my environment quickly tell me I was too much—too hungry. Early relationships didn’t help. I had no male figure in my life who helped me understand how to harness all my… well, energy. So here I was feeling that I was not enough, and at the same time told that I was way too much.
Then in adulthood, and like all men, I got rejected and rejected and rejected. Sometimes I’d get bitter just knowing it was because I wasn’t enough. Sometimes I’d get told explicitly it was because I was too much. I felt electric lines closing around my sexual behavior from every direction.
Hiding became safer.
So I slowly buried my erotic self.
I began to “turn off” my desire.
I began to only do what she wanted and on her schedule (while quietly resenting her).
I began to secretly use porn to “scratch the itch.”
Slowly, my own eroticism stopped mattering. Without knowing what I was doing, I buried my erotic self using two very different kinds of dirt:
The first was an art form of ignoring my erotic energies because I was a responsible man. As I earned titles and responsibilities it became easy to ignore my body’s needs. No, I had the places to be, the boxes to check, the people to take care of. I lied to myself that my erotic nature was getting in the way. The pernicious quality of this trap convinced me that even though I was ignoring what I knew I wanted, that it was the right thing to do.
The second kind of dirt I used to bury my erotic self isn’t nearly as noble. I was scared. I had never been taught how to ask for what I wanted from my partner. And even thinking of asking her to do “a thing” only brought up imagined scenes of rejection. So I fell into another trap where I’d type “a thing” into a search bar and merely watch—pretending that was enough, and feeling hollow the moment I closed the laptop.
From one direction I was repressing myself, and then from behind locked doors I was only depressing myself. Lighthearted joking with the boys over beers brought no insight.
The message from other men was, “Yup, that’s normal.”
That’s where I stayed, until…
This isn’t a juicy confessional, but my buried erotic self began to zombie its way out of the dirt. It wasn’t a big thing, but it was a thing. I hope you’ve come to intimacy coaching without a thing—if so, you’re one of the lucky ones. But in summary, there was a thing and I knew that I couldn’t keep living like I was. My erotic life sucked, and I was going to do something about it.
I tried to think my way out of my body’s predicament.
One quick search and there were so many books ready to help me with my problem. PERFECT. I wasn’t going to be a nice guy anymore. I was on my way to be a superior man with fire in my belly. I was reading myself into becoming a rational male ready for wild nights convinced that I was becoming a multi-orgasmic, conscious warrior equipped with all the techniques to make sure that she came first (and that I’d come next.)
Surprise… nothing changed. My mind was loaded with information but the moment it came to taking these bold steps, I froze. Old patterns ran below my new thoughts. My body kept lying, “You’re not enough,” “You’re too much.”
FINDING BETH
Saying Yes to the Invitation
Intimacy coaching unlocked all the learning I had been doing.
I had met Beth a couple years before through the buttoned up professional world, where she was kind, fun, and a delight to work with. In a casual environment I found her incredibly easy to talk to about what I had been going through. And when she told me about Erotic Senses I was instantly intrigued. I did my research on the Somatica Institute and my desire to dive into the work grew. We set up a time for a session, and my erotic life changed forever.
Beth is expertly confidential about her client’s sessions, here’s what I will tell you:
She listened to me.
All our sessions begin with conversation. Beth created space where I could talk about all the things I had been burying and deeply know that I would be heard with an empathetic ear. She didn’t have a plan to sell, Beth is a healer.
She honored me.
I had no idea how important this would be. The work of dissolving those old lies of “not being enough” and of “being too much” began with Beth showing me how I had always been enough, and that my erotic energy wasn’t just good, it was eagerly welcome.
She gave me tools.
I leave every coaching session with more than information, I have practices. Beth has studied across many disciplines, and I leave each session feeling empowered and equipped to heal and harness my erotic energy with skill.
Now I feel at play with my own Erotic Nature.
Beth’s healing work helped me reconnect with the erotic body that I had buried under years of mental gymnastics.
I am unembarrassed of what I want.
I have space to explore what turns me on.
I know how to ask for the touch I want.
I engage with my personal erotic strengths.
I am unworried about my performance.
I feel alive. I feel powerful. I feel like myself.
“Let’s let you out.”
This phrase changed my life. Intimacy coaching is a safe place to practice.
I was trapping myself from two directions, I was scared of my own erotic nature, and I was overwhelmed by it. Beth crafted a perfect healing space for me to playfully tease out my own neurosis around sex and the erotic. She listened, she honored, and she gave me practical tools that have made me a better lover, in and out of the bedroom. I hope that you experience the same incredible feeling of liberation that I have felt. I had been buried so long I didn’t even know that I was suffocating.
If you’re feeling pinned into a corner where you just can’t get it right, if you are not attracting the partner that you crave, if you aren’t satisfied with the sex you have, then you should talk to Beth.
The world craves powerfully erotic men, and now I know how to let mine out.
INTIMACY COACHING TESTIMONIALS
“Submitting to my own desires doesn't have to be complicated and that it goes hand in hand with my healing process.”
When we first spoke there was excitement, synchronicity, and hopefulness… commitment to showing up in full authenticity, bringing both expertise and vulnerability to the process, always brought me back into trust.“
Intimacy has become deeper, sex has gotten juicer and more playful, and my capacity to support affirming connections has grown beyond what I thought I was capable of holding.”
Thank you for reading my story. Beth helped me unbury my authentic erotic self. I hope you take the next step. What awaits you is a richer, sexier life.
— JM
